Dreamsicle Cake

Difficulty Rating:

I'd like to preface this particular entry by saying that I am the worst, please believe me, the worst cake froster in the history of frosting cakes. My cakes always end up looking like some mutant half-melted monstrosity, and I'm okay with it because they're delicious. So just, you know, don't worry about the pictures. Your cake will look better, I promise.

Recipe:

Cake

1 box White cake mix
3 oz (one box) orange jello mix
1/3 c. vegetable oil
1 1/4 c. water
4 eggs
1 tsp orange extract

Icing

8 oz sour cream
1 1/4 c. sugar
Orange juice - 1/2 c. with pulp, 1/3 c. without pulp
1 tub Cool Whip

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Mix cake ingredients and pour into 2 - 9 inch round cake pans. Bake, cool, and slice cakes in half to make four layers.

Combine all icing ingredients except Cool Whip. Fold in Cool Whip, then spread between layers, on top, and on sides of cake.


Execution:

This is a fairly easy cake to make - the icing is actually the most complicated part, but I think using the word "complicated" is, in itself, a stretch. Let's make a delicious cake happen, shall we?

Ingredients:

The first rule of baking is that you always mix your dry ingredients first and then add your wet ingredients. This keeps things from clumping together, which is never good in baking.

I've changed this recipe a bit - it originally used orange cake mix. But orange cake mix is hard to find in a lot of stores, and besides that it makes the flavor a bit too overpowering. I always remember Dreamsicles being a subtle, creamy orange flavor instead of a straight punch-in-the-face of orange. So I use white cake mix instead and just throw an extra little bit of orange extract if I want it to be more orangey.

So! Mix your dry ingredients...

...and then add your wet and whisk it up. You can also just use a fork or slotted spoon if you don't have a whisk. Some people say to use an electric mixer, but I don't really see the need.

Then you pour that goop into two greased round cake pans and stick 'em in the oven. Cook it according to the box's directions - I think this particular cake called for 27 minutes.

While that's cooking, get your ingredients together for the icing:

Mix everything but the Cool Whip together. After making this several times, I've adjusted the amount of OJ needed based on pulp content just because the non-pulp version tends to be more watery so you need less of it.

Then you'll want to fold in your Cool Whip. There is a distinct difference between mixing and folding. Mixing usually breaks it down a little too far and leaves it less icing-y than you'll want. In order to demonstrate, I've shot the first ever video for The Apartment Chef to show you the technique.

For the record, rocking out to Muse makes the cake taste better.



Once you've got the icing all done, stick it in the fridge until the cakes are done.

Oh, look! Cakes are done! Take those suckers out, get 'em out of the pan, and let 'em cool for a while.

They should get down to room temperature. Once they're cool, use a large knife to saw them in half so you have four layers. I have illustrated below, with one already cut and the other in the process:

The trick to making a four-layer cake is positioning the layers. When it bakes, the cake will naturally have a curve on the top and a flat bottom. If you try to stack them the same way, they'll end up middle heavy and you'll get a crack in the middle. I discovered this one year when I made my easter cake. My friends can attest to the earthquake that hit it right down the middle. So the solution is to turn some of them over. You'll want the first curved part face-down on the plate, followed by the bottom to match, then do the top two layers upright. Sort of like the horizontal version of this: ( | | ) Which is not an emoticon for boobs. It's CAKE, people.

Then you just start slopping the icing on there. As you can see, I am especially sloppy about it.

Get it all between the layers and then do the tops and sides. It should end up looking something like this, though surely better since I am the suck at frosting a cake.

And now you have a delicious cake! Just cut into that bad boy and eat the crap out of it.

Yummy!

Taco Bake

Difficulty Rating:

This is, quite possibly, the least healthy recipe I will ever put up on this website. In general, I like the food you make to be good and good for you. But sometimes you just need something greasy, heavy, disgusting and delicious. This is the recipe for you!

Recipe:

1 lb. ground beef
2 cans of crescent rolls
4 oz (about half a tub or three spoonfuls) sour cream
1 packet of taco seasoning
1 - 15oz can tomato sauce
2 cups shredded cheese
2 cups crushed tortilla chips
salt & pepper

In medium skillet, brown beef with salt and pepper to taste.

While browning the meat, press the crescent roll dough into the bottom of a cassarole dish. Cover in a layer of crushed tortilla chips, about 1 cup.

Once the meat is browned, add the tomato sauce and taco seasoning. Simmer about five minutes or until thickened. Pour into casserole dish. Smooth sour cream over that. Cover in cheese, then top with the rest of the tortilla chips.

Bake at 350 degrees for 10-15 minutes or until crescent rolls are brown along the edge.
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Execution:

It's so good. Oh man, I'm just thinking about how delicious this was.

Ingredients:

First thing's first - brown the meat. Throw some salt and pepper in there for good measure.

While the meat is cooking, grease a glass casserole dish and line it with the crescent roll dough. Just mush it against the sides and bottom, it's doesn't have to be particularly pretty.

Crush up a few handfuls of tortilla chips in the bottom. This is a great use for old stale chips.

Once the meat is all cooked, you should put a spoonful or two on a paper plate and reward the pets for being awesome...

...and then add the tomato sauce and taco seasoning to the rest. Simmer for about five minutes or until the sauce thickens up a bit.

Once that's all done, pour it into the casserole dish and spread it out flat.

Then comes the layer of sour cream...

Then the layer of shredded cheese and tortilla chips...

Stick that bad boy in the oven at 350 degrees, and a few minutes later you've got something amazing. It's freakin' fantastic. Mmmmm.

Again, this ain't exactly the healthiest thing in the world, but if you like tacos you'll love this. You can also add chopped tomatoes or onions or whatever before the cheese and chip layer. Yum!

Special thanks to my mom for letting me turn her nummy dinner into a blog post. Love you Kate!

UPDATE!
I've been told by a friend who made this and doesn't have an insanely hot oven like my mum that the dough takes closer to 25 minutes to brown in normal ovens. That's fine, just cook it 'til the dough gets crispy and yummy. Enjoy!

Tomato Soup

Difficulty Rating:

Recipe:

1 - 1 lb can of crushed tomatoes
2 cups milk
2 tbsp butter
1/8 tsp baking soda
Spices

In one saucepan, heat tomatoes on low. In second saucepan, heat milk and butter on low. DO NOT LET EITHER POT BOIL!

When tomatoes are hot, stir in baking soda to foam. Add in hot milk and butter and stir until well mixed. Add spices and stir.

NOTE: If increasing the recipe, DO NOT increase baking soda.
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Execution:

Again, pretty much the easiest recipe known to man. Most people have never had anything other than the sludge that comes in a Campbell's can - which I'm not knocking, it was my fav as a kid. But we're adults now and we can do better with about as much effort!

I listed one of the ingredients as "spices" just because I generally use whatever's in the house, about a teaspoon to a tablespoon of each. When I made this at home on Friday I used salt, pepper, garlic powder, Adobo and dried cilantro. Tonight I used salt, pepper, garlic powder, and dried basil. Whatever you've got in your kitchen works. Also, please note that for the pictures I didn't have any canned tomatoes so I used fresh - all you have to do is dice them up very tiny and mush 'em a little.

Ingredients:

Five things, super simple. You put the tomatoes in one pot and the milk and butter in another.

(Please excuse Kitchen Buddha - he's a camera hog.)

Heat them both over low to medium-low heat. It's very important that you NOT boil either of the ingredients, because it starts to break down the tomatoes and it generally scorches the milk. I taught my little sister how to make this tonight and she asked, quite smartly, "How do you know it's hot enough if it's not boiling?" The answer: stick your finger in the tomatoes. If it's hot, you'll feel it. For the milk and butter, you're really just waiting for all the butter to melt. If you're less keen on burning your fingertips, just keep an eye on the tomatoes - they'll start steaming a little once it's the right temperature.

Then you just sprinkle in the baking soda and watch as science makes it awesome. It should foam up much like your volcano in the 4th grade science fair, and for much the same reasons. Stir it until it stops foaming, then dump in the milk and butter melty goodness.

Then you just chuck in the spices and stir it some more.

Now, depending on what you're using, the soup may not be thick enough for you. We're all used to the creamy, nummy Campbell's goodness after all. There are two solutions to this problem.

(A) Use heavy cream instead of milk, which usually requires a trip to the grocery store. Be EXTRA careful about not boiling it.

(B) Once you're done and it's still too watery, put a tablespoon of flour in a little bowl and mix in a few spoonfuls of liquid from the soup. Use a fork to mix it up and make sure there aren't any lumps - you can add more soup liquid if it's too pastey - and then pour that mixture back into the soup. Flour is a natural thickening agent, and if you simmer it for another five or so minutes it should thicken right up. You can do this as many times as you like until you get the consistency that you like, but always give it five minutes between adding flour because sometimes the thickening is a little delayed.

Either way, you should have delicious creamy soup in the end!

I like to make this in conjunction with the beer bread; I usually put two slices of beer bread in the bottom of a wide bowl and then pour the soup over it so it soaks into the bread and makes a delicious mushy mess. You can also add regular old saltines and have it be amazing. It goes great with grilled cheese sammiches, and, as we discovered tonight, it's pretty damn good with homemade mac 'n cheese too.

This recipe gives a shout-out to my sister Karli because it's her favorite thing in the world. There's leftovers in the fridge!

Beer Bread

Difficulty Rating:

Recipe:

3 cups Self-Rising Flour
2 tbsp sugar
1-2 cans/bottles of beer
1 egg, beaten with 1 tsp of water

Mix the dry ingredients in a large bowl. Slowly add the beer until the dough reaches a sticky, solid consistency. Press into a greased breadpan and cover with a towel. Let sit for 15 mins.

Pre-heat oven to 375 degrees. Brush egg mixture onto the top of the dough. Bake 1 hour.
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Execution:

This is, by far, the easiest thing in the world to do. Most breads require buying yeast, and careful measurements, and waiting for it to rise, and kneading, and a whole lot of work that's just a pain. Not so with Beer Bread - the beer has the yeast built right in, so there's none of that pesky manual labor.

You can use any beer, really. I find myself experimenting with flavors. Cherry Wheat beer makes a nice fruity bread that's good by itself with butter - throw in some actual chopped cherries and life is awesome. Since I'm making this to go with tomato soup, I chose a Summer Ale since it's light and slightly citrusy. It doesn't really matter what you choose; you can make this with the Silver Bullet if that's what you have in your fridge.

Ingredients:

This is made with basically nothing. You start with Self-Rising Flour (if you only have All-Purpose flour, which is what's usually sold in stores, you can turn it into SR Flour like so).

Keep in mind that when you're measuring flour, you should never pack it into the measuring cup - don't shake it to get it to settle, don't flatten it in there with a spoon. Just scoop it in there until you get to the top. There should be some air in there - packing it will throw off the measurements. It's not enough to panic over so don't go crazy with it, just scoop it in there and dump it in the bowl.

Add two tablespoons of sugar, which is just two big scoops with a large spoon. Mix it up. Then slowly pour in your beer a little at a time. It'll fizz like the dickens, but that's to be expected. Just mix it into the flour bit by bit until it gets doughy. How much beer you use really depends on the individual beer. I always get two bottles just in case. For the Cherry Wheat, it takes about 1 1/4 bottles; for the Summer Ale, it didn't even take one full bottle. It should have a sticky, solid consistency.

This is actually a little too wet for the dough, but this is my first foray into photography while cooking so things are a bit jumbled. If it gets too wet like this, just mix in some more flour a spoonful at a time until you get it right.

Then just pour it into a greased bread pan. Throw a towel over it and let it sit for 15 minutes. Depending on what beer you use, it should rise a bit. Heavier beers generally mean less rise and thicker bread. I have a hankering to try this with Guinness since that's basically bread-in-a-bottle anyway, but I haven't yet made that leap.

Then just brush the egg over it and stick that bad boy in the oven.

375 for an hour, and voila! You've got delicious crusty bread!

As a general rule, get the bread out of the pan as soon as you can and let it cool. The grease should keep it from sticking and it'll come right out when you tip it over.

The crust should be pretty thick, which makes it perfect to eat with soups. Enjoy!

Special Thanks to Casey C. for the original recipe!

Kitchen Basics

Before we start cooking, let's discuss the most basic of questions: what the hell do you need in your kitchen?

When I started going through my kitchen to compile this list, I thought to myself, "Self, this is gonna be a really short list. I mean, these are bare-bones minimums for what people need in their homes. This'll only take a minute." And then, two notecards later, I realized the error of my ways.

When you see this list, don't be discouraged by the number of things on it. Chances are that unless you're fresh out of the dorms, you've probably got most if not all of these things in your kitchen already. And since one of my goals in this is to keep your costs as low as possible, let it be said that because these things are so basic, you can usually find them at any discount retail store for fairly cheap. A new skillet might cost you $15, but that's $15 that could save you $50 a month when you're not ordering pizza every other night.

So without further ado, here are the lists for Kitchen Basics!
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Basics #1 - Cookware
These are the essential things that enable you to actually, physically cook

Large and small skillets
Large saucepan (small ones are nice but unnecessary)
Large boiling pot (my mom called this the Pasta Pot)
Pasta Strainer
Baking sheet (aka Cookie Sheet, preferably metal)
Casserole dish (preferably glass, the metal ones are impossible to keep clean)
Various spoons/spatulas/stirrers (plastic's best, but I keep a few wooden ones around)
Two cutting boards - one for meat, one for everything else
Cheese grater (I prefer the flat ones)
Measuring cups and a Pyrex measuring bowl
Large cutting knife (non-serrated, AKA a chef's knife)
Large mixing bowl
Aluminum foil

Basics #2 - Additional Cookware
You don't really need these, but they make life easier

Loaf pan
Parchment paper
Basting brush (true story - I use the dollar store hair-dye brushes. Culinary ones can be expensive.)
Rice cooker (trust me, it's worth the $30)
Food chopper

Basics #3 - Ingredients
These are staples that should be in your cabinets at all times

Salt & pepper
Sugar
Brown sugar
Flour (both All-Purpose and Self-Rising, though I'll teach you how to turn one into the other)
Vegetable oil
Olive oil
Balsamic vinegar (I know, I know - trust me)
Butter (real butter, NOT margarine)
Crisco (yes, Crisco. For future reference, whenever I say "grease a pan" use this.)
Eggs
Rice
Honey
Bread crumbs
Vanilla Extract
Garlic powder
Cinnamon
Adobo
Sazon
Chili powder
Ginger
Bay leaves
Beef bouillon cubes
Parmesan Cheese (we call it Shakey Cheese in my apartment)

Basics #4 - Additional Ingredients
Again, not necessary, but they really are worth getting

Basil
Rosemary
Thyme
Soy sauce
Worchestershire sauce
Tony Chachere's (a little hard to find outside of the Deep South)
Mustard powder
Bisquick (yes, Bisquick)

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And that's it! I'm willing to bet that you can find most of that - at least the essentials - in your kitchen already. Also, don't be afraid to improvise! Half of what you're going to learn here is not how to follow a recipe, but how to be a Kitchen McGuyver. I want everyone to be able to come home after a long day, open their fridge and say "Okay, I have this, this, and this... what can I make with it?" and have an answer.

You can do this. Just keep telling yourself that. You can totally do this.

The Required Introduction

I got the idea to start this blog when I made a batch of cookies.

Okay, wait, that's not entirely correct.

I got the idea to start this blog when I made a batch of cookies and, upon bringing them to class, was hailed as a culinary genius. These were not hard cookies to make. They were, in fact, made from things I had laying around the house - and one ingredient that I went to the local gas station deli to buy. It could very well be the easiest cookie recipe I have in my arsenal. And still, everyone was amazed that I baked.

Don't get the wrong idea. They were freaking delicious. But what amazed me was the overwhelming reaction of my friends - mainly, that no one knew how to cook.

So I'm setting out to teach the 20-somethings of the world that cooking really isn't all that scary. In fact, it's usually a great way to relax, destress, and ensure that you eat a healthy meal. After all, you know what's going in there.

But most importantly, I want to show people that cooking is easy; you don't need a gourmet grocer or special pots and pans to make a really good meal. It can be done in small apartments around the world, with little more than the basic ingredients you already have in your kitchen.

You can make delicious stuff. You. I promise. Here, I'll show you how.